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Parenting skills have reached a new level of importance as research shows that parents vastly under-estimate the current level of their children's drug use and also underestimate the amount of influence they have in determining whether or not their children will or will not use drugs.
"The power and the importance of parents continue to persist, even into late adolescence,’ says University of Minnesota professor Michael Resnick, the lead author of the survey. A reassuring finding: although your child may seem to ignore you, she is living off the remnants of the bond built during the years before getting her ears pierced was the most important thing in her life. ...it’s neither time nor activities spent together but simply the intensity of the involvement. ‘It’s more than the physical presence of parents, the number of hours a day they’re in the home. It’s their emotional availability,’ says Resnick. ...the survey singles out mealtimes as important, which can eat up hours if you do it right." (Here’s a precious moment, Kid, [What helps teens the most? A federal study reveals a common sense truth], Time, September 22, 1997) "Added to parents’ frustration is the discouraging suspicion that they no longer have any influence. Teens often appear completely taken with their peers and utterly disdainful of adults. But recent studies show that it’s crucial that parents persist with their parenting duties during adolescence. Research suggests that parents may exert more influence than peers, especially when it comes to teenagers experimenting with drugs and other dangerous activities. Ironically, parents may need to become even more attentive and involved than they were during the toddler years." (Taking care of teenagers, Northwest Health, Spring, 1998) "Fortunately there are ways that parents can remain attentive and involved while helping teenagers gain the confidence and strength they need to make healthy choices and become independent adults. First, parents can make sure they spend plenty of one-to-one time with their teenagers. ‘This is when the more honest and intimate conversations can take place.’ says Group Health psychologist Patricia Stern.’ ‘But this is also a time when you can take pleasure in one another’s company."(Taking care of teenagers, Northwest Health, Spring, 1998) "Second, do things you both enjoy doing together. It might be shooting hoops, going out for breakfast, or visiting music stores and taking turns listening to each other’s favorite artists. If this leads to deep, revealing talks, all the better - but don’t use this as a chance to interrogate your teenager or force her to talk about her feelings. Instead, make it a relaxed time that is fun and comfortable." (Taking care of teenagers, Northwest Health, Spring, 1998) "Begin talking about drugs and alcohol with your children when they are young. Rather than lecturing, share your feelings and values about use - and abuse - and ask your child to share his or her feelings as well." (Taking care of teenagers, Northwest Health, Spring, 1998) "Offer teenagers safe ways to take risks and push themselves to their limits. Watch for indications of substance abuse: - extreme mood changes, loss of initiative or motivation, decreased energy, school grades slipping, unexcused absences, change of friends, withdrawal from family. (Taking care of teenagers, Northwest Health, Spring, 1998) "While you may be upset, it’s best to keep the lines of communication open. Knowing that it’s safe to talk with their parents will do more to protect teenagers from harm than restrictions, punishments, and angry reactions. Another rule of thumb is to offer more listening than talking. ‘In order to be successful guides, parents think they need to provide clear advice and lots of information,’ says Watters. ‘But being a good listener is critical. Kids who have serious problems tend to pull through adolescence safely when they have even one adult who is listening and accepting them.’"(Taking care of teenagers, Northwest Health, Spring, 1998) "But many studies show that parents are still the single most important influence on their children. Lickona (Thomas Lickona, professor of education at the State University of New York at Cortland and author of ‘Raising Good Children’) says that the adolescents most likely to follow their consciences rather than give in to peer pressure are those who grew up in ‘authoritative’ homes, where rules are firm but clearly explained and justified - as opposed to ‘authoritarian’ homes (where rules are laid down without explanation) or ‘permissive’ homes. (The Good, The Bad and the Difference, Newsweek Special Issue, Summer, 1991) "Research on children’s attachment to their mothers shows that babies who are most secure (and those whose mothers are most responsive to their needs) later turn out to be leaders in school; self-directed and eager to learn. They are also most likely to absorb parental values." (The Good, The Bad and the Difference, Newsweek Special Issue, Summer, 1991) "The survey, the first part of a long-running, $25 million study, interviewed 20,000 teenagers. It found that kids who have a strong sense of connection to their parents were less likely to be violent or indulge in drugs, alcohol, tobacco or early sex. And feeling close to teachers is by far the most important school-related predictor of well-being." (Here’s a precious moment, Kid, [What helps teens the most? A federal study reveals a common sense truth], Time, September 22, 1997)
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